Well, That's Not A Good Deal....

Gabriel and I always have our most interesting discussion right before he falls asleep, directly proceeding book reading and prayer time. It's also called.... stalling. :)

Today Gabe took my hand and started fiddling with my wedding rings.

Gabe: Mom, can I wear these real quick pleeeeease?

Me: Okay, just for a second.

Gabe: How come you have two rings and Daddy only has one?

Me: Welp, this one with the big (big being a relative term people) diamond is from when Daddy asked me to be his wife, and this one is from the day we got married.

Gabe: And you gave Daddy his ring when you got married?

Me: Yes.

Gabe: So when I find a wife I will have to give her two rings and she will only give me one?

Me: Yup.

Gabe: Well, that's just not a good deal Mom.

The "U"

This is a guest post from Gabe's Dad, Justin.... I think you're going to like it.

Ok, so I ask Gabe if he wants a Mohawk for his haircut. To which he replies, "No Dad, I want the U!"

I asked, "Why do you want the U?" To which he said, "because I like the Hurricanes!".

So after wiping the tear from my eye, I graciously obliged him! I love you son!

Blankie Sniffers

Does anyone else out there in cyberspace have a kid who is a "Blankie Sniffer"? Gabriel has always held his blankets up to his nose ever since he was an infant! He just cuddles it up over his mouth and smells it. He also has a weird obsession with the tag of the blanket. He likes to rub it. I know.... we are a freak show here. It's awfully darn cute though.... might start getting weird when he's 17 and sniffing blankets during Play Station sleepovers with his buddies though.

Butt Bread

This morning my husband was out in the kitchen making Gabriel breakfast. As my sleepy-morning-loathing-self stumbled into the kitchen, Gabriel greeted me by saying:

"Mom! I'm eating BUTT BREAD!"

I looked at Justin and saw him pulling the heals of the loaf of wheat bread out of the toaster and smiling.

"Butt bread, nice one Dad." I responded sarcastically. :)

We Love Black People

Last night my husband ditched me to go see Rob Bell speak in Tampa *can you hear the resentment in my "voice"?* My friend Julie came over and we went for our weekly jog, but this time had kids in tow. Not quite as relaxing as normal, but equally entertaining as most moments are with Gabriel and Zoe.

Zoe loves to wave to pretty much every person that jogs by on Bayshore and begs to pet every dog ("goggy") that is being walked. Gabe loves to correct his little sister when she is mistaken. As was the case last night:

*Older White man jogs by*

Zoe: "Hi Poppy!!!" (Poppy is my Dad- she apparently thinks a lot of men look like Poppy)

Gabe: "That's not Poppy, Zoe!"

*African American man rides by on his bike*

Zoe: "Hi Poppy!!!"

Gabe: *in a loud voice* "Zoe, Poppy doesn't have a black face!!!"

Sorry Son, We Don't Live in Alabama...

Gabe: Mom, did you tell your Mommy that you wanted to be a mommy when you growed up when you were little?

Me: Yes. I guess I always wanted to be a mommy. Why?

Gabe: I want to be a Daddy someday too.

Me: Well, I think you'll be a great Daddy someday.

Gabe: I want to marry Zoe. She'll be a nice Mommy.

Me: You can't marry Zoe because she is your sister

Gabe: But I really like Zoe and I'd miss her if she wasn't near me.

Me: Welp, it's illegal. Sorry kiddo. Maybe you can be neighbors.

Gabe: Nope, I'm going to marry her. Just wait and see.

Me: OK.... I'll see how you feel about that when you're 12.

God and Guns

*DISCLAIMER: Some or all parts of this post may be theologically incorrect for comical purposes.


Gabe: "Mom, does God have a gun?"

Me: "Nope, God doesn't need a gun."

Gabe: "Well then what is He going to kill Satan with?"

Me: "He is going to smite him."

Gabe: "What does smite mean?"

Me: "It means he's going to blow him up into a fiery ball of smoke till there's nothing left."

Gabe: *sounding concerned* "But then I might die too!!"

Me: "Why would you die?"

Gabe: "Because God lives in my heart and when he smites him it might make my heart explode."



On a slightly unrelated note.... while searching for a picture to post with this blog, I did a google image search for "God smiting Satan" and the first picture to pop up was of Bill O'Reilly, which just made me giggle.

Dear God....

Gabe and Zoe now share a room in our new house, and so far it is working out very well. =) Last night we laid in the beds and said our prayers out loud and Gabe said, "I wanna pray!!!"

It started out as usual, "Thanks God for Nana and Poppy and Mommy and Daddy and the whole wide world..." and then it got REALLY GOOOD. "... and God?? Please come down into Daddy's heart and tell Him to let me play 'Call of Duty' on the PS3!!!"

I replied that God would NOT be telling Daddy that, between bits of uncontrollable laughter. =)

Just When You Thought He'd Done It All....

He cuts his eyebrows off. Yup. Inevitable for most kids I guess.... lashes, eyebrow, hair, sibling's hair.... tonight he found my manicure scissors in the bathroom and chopped off a couple good chunks of his eyebrows.

After the laughter ceased; Because there was no stopping that, with the ridiculousness of what he looked like, there was disciplining.

*sigh*

Super Diabetes!

Tonight I made a Blueberry Pineapple cobbler that is NOT diabetes friendly! It's for the Memorial Day party we are attending tomorrow. Gabe helped me whip it up and as we were sprinkling the final 1/4 cup of sugar on the top he said, "Mom, if you ate this you'd get SUPER DIABETES!"

Who's Smarter: Mom or Dad?

Tonight Justin was helping me unload the mega amount of groceries I got at Publix and he started picking on me for bringing home more dog treats. (We have like 10 boxes of dog treats) I tried to explain to him that they were on sale buy one get one free and I had 2 $2.50 off coupons that gave me almost $1.70 in overage which then took money off the rest of my grocery bill. But he just didn't get it... so I told him to leave me alone and I'd find people who would like free dog treats.

Gabe walked into the kitchen and just stared at us, wide eyed... waiting for us to finish our quarrel I guess....

I smiled at him and said,

"Gabe, who's smarter... Mommy or Daddy?"

Gabe rested his chin on his fist as if he were thinking for about 2 seconds and said....

"Ummm..... God."

Classic.

The 4 Year Old Theologian

Gabriel absolutely made my jaw drop today. He's asked me some pretty cool questions before like "Where is Heaven?" but this was even better. Here's our conversation on the way to school.

Gabe: "Mom... did you see that cross on the road?"

Me: "Nope"

Gabe: "Mom, Jesus died on the cross. They put the nails in his hands and he died and three days later he rose from the dead and then it was Easter!"

Me: "That's right buddy!!"

Gabe: "But Mom.... where was Jesus when he was dead?"

Me: "They put his body in a tomb, remember? They rolled the big rock over it to seal it? And then the angel rolled it away and...."

Gabe: "No, no... I know his BODY was in the tomb, but where was his SOUL?"

Me: *jaw falls to floor, I may have swerved off the road a little bit from shock* "Umm Gabe, can you tell me what a soul is?"

I couldn't quite get him to answer this questions. He did tell me he learned the word "soul" at church... whether that church is his pre school or our children's dept at church is still unclear, but I can't remember ever having a conversation about "souls" with Gabe yet.....

Me: "Well, your "soul" is the part of you that makes You... YOU! It's the part of you that feels happy or sad, makes choices, loves, laughs.... is that what you mean?"

Gabe: "YES. WHERE. WAS. HE?"

Me: *trying desperately to think of how to explain Jesus going to hell to break us free of the "Old Covenent" and fulfill the 'New Covenant in 4 year old terms* "Jesus went to hell to see Satan and they got in a big fat fight and Jesus won BIG TIME. And because he won, our souls get to go to Heaven now when we die!"

This seemed to satisfy Gabe. He responded...

Gabe: "Okay. That's good."

I love my son.

Like Mother, Like Son

I have an awesome pink leather date book that my sister got me for Christmas that I write down everything in. I love date books. Lists. Pretending that I'm organized even though I'm not. The following is a very random conversation that Gabe and I had while spending some one on one time together on a car ride to pick up our pizza from Pizza Hut.

Gabe: "Mom, I think I need to get a schedule book."

Me: "Why?"

Gabe: "Because I need one."

Me: *good grief, I should know by now, I need to be more specific with this boy* "What do you need a schedule book for, Gabe?"

Gabe: *animatedly counts on his fingers while he speaks* "Because I need to write down when it's time to play, when it's time to go to McDonalds, when it's time to go to Ms. Kerry's, when it's time to go to the park...."

Me: "Ok Gabe... we'll make you a schedule book."

And we did. :)

I like big FISH and I can not lie...

Tonight we had tilapia for dinner. This was a conversation that occurred while trying to manipulate our children into eating their fish

Me: Gabe... eat your fish. It makes your brain big. You don't want Zoe to have a bigger brain than you do you?

Gabe: No! *shovels fish into his mouth*

Justin: Good job, son.

Gabe: Why does eating fish make your brain big?

Me: Because it has amino 3 fatty-acids.

Gabe: What are fatty asses?

Making A Party

Every time I want to be mad at this kid he says something hilarious that makes all the anger just disappear into oblivion.

Justin and I were laying in bed and Gabe comes in and starts turning the light switch on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off......

Me: GABE STOP!!!!!!!!

Gabe: on and off and on and off and on and off

Me: GABRIEL, STOP NOW!!!

Gabe: But Mom, I'm just makin a party!!!

I Ate My Toenail

I think every kid has a "sneaky look." At least Gabe has one, fo sho.

Today that little devilish smile showed up when I walked into the room.

Me: What'd you do?

Gabe: I ate it. *sheepish grin, stares at floor*

Me: What'd you eat? * Silently prays "Dear God please don't let this answer lead to another poison control call. They must be getting suspicious by now" *

Gabe: I ate my toenail.


I don't think I need to say anything else.

Lickin The Bowl

I remember the pure elation I felt when I was a little kid and my mom would let me lick the spoon or the bowl after baking some sweet treat. (Granted, with my Mom it was usually a wheat germ brownie or carrot bread)

Gabe LOVES to be in the kitchen. And he ALWAYS licks the brownie bowl clean. =)

I'm A "Merg"

Gabe is totally in the phase where he makes up his own words.

I just typed in "Merg" on Google Image search and this is what popped up. That's REALLY scary. Do you see the confederate flag covering the you know what??

The other day we were in the car and Gabe goes, "Mom.... you're a Merg. You and Zoe, you guys are mergs."

So I said, "Is Dad a merg?" and Gabe replied, "Nope, just you and Zoe."

"Is being a 'Merg' a good thing?" I asked. Gabe paused. "Yes." He said.

Eating Garbage

Yesterday I went grocery shopping at Publix (of course) and I brought home 4 boxes of one of the most horrible, God-forsaken processed foods on the planet. Pop-tarts. And they were the frosted kind with sprinkles on top. My husband loves these things and when I bring them home along with my wheat germ, flax seeds, and spaghetti squash... he is nicer to me. And well, they were free after coupons. (of course)

So this morning my bouncing 4 year old finds the shiny box and brings them to me.

Gabe: I want this!!!!!!!!! Pleeeeeeeese!!!

Me: You don't want that. Those are your Dad's. It's garbage, Gabe

Gabe: I WANT TO EAT GARBAGE LIKE DAD!!!!

Me: *rolls eyes and lets Justin handle the rest*

Ninja Girl With Allergies?

A lot of the the time Gabe will tell me things and I'll have absolutely no idea what he's talking about unless I ask A LOT of context clue type questions. Can anyone relate? For instance.... today I bought some bologna. We don't usually have this mysterious lunch meat at our house because 1.) I'm still not exactly sure what it's made out of and 2.) my Mom (the health freak) use to tell us we would die if we ever ate it when we were little

Gabe: "Mom let's go to Wendy's." He does this pretty much every day on the way home because when we DO get lunch there it is a total treat. He knows it is the home of the Frosty.

Me: No, Gabe we are going to have bologna and cheese sandwiches today.

Gabe: But Mom, that red ninja girl is allergic to bologna.

This just made me laugh. If you just read that statement and didn't at least giggle there's just something wrong with you.

Me: Where did you see this ninja girl Gabe?

Gabe: On G.I. Joe.

Me: Well, you're not allergic to bologna so you'll be okay.

Gabe: How do you know? I might dis-plode if I eat it.

Gabe says displode instead of explode. I think it's cute so I just go with it. He's growing up so fast. He couldn't say his "L's" for a long time and magically last week he started saying them correctly. "Whaaa-wee-pops" are now "lollipops" and "why-ons" are now "lions." Makes me proud, and sad at the same time.

Back to bologna allergy ninja girl.... I just think it's amazing and funny how kids can remember everything. Even one random line from the G.I. Joe movie.

Box Car Children

Gabe and I have started to read Book 1 of the Box Car Children series. I decided to experiment to see how good his listening skills were and I can't believe how much he's enjoying this! He pays attention and seems to retain most of the story lines! He asks a TON of questions too. (Shocker!) We are on chapter 8 and started reading two days ago. There are a few black and white sketchings here and there that keep him intrigued. I'm really proud of him.

President's Day

Last night I was explaining to Gabe why he didn't get to go to pre school today.

Me: Gabe, tomorrow is President's Day so there's no pre school tomorrow

Gabe: O-rock Obama is coming over to our house?!?!

Me: Ha! No... we celebrate all the wonderfulness of a couple of our founding presidents, George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. They were presidents even before Nana and Poppy were born.

Gabe: Whoa.

The Love Of God

I apologize in advance if this comes across as bold, or judgmental, or out of line, but it is something I want to remember.


Today we went to a different church that we don't normally go to (that will remain un-named to protect the innocent who are going to do great things in the future here). And to put it bluntly, the children's ministry was the pits. My son was ushered into a 4's and 5's classroom where the Sunday school teacher welcomed him and me. She then showed me some bookmarks they were making and told me they were learning that Jesus was the "Good Shepherd." She said, "He probably won't get it, but it's okay." WHOA LADY. THAT WAS THE WRONG THING TO SAY. The person who's church I was attending made mention that I probably was offended that she insinuated that my child wasn't bright enough to "get" the story, but that wasn't it at all. This is what those 5 little words said to me,

"I am teaching the next generation of Christ followers, but I believe I am just a babysitter. I have been given no training, no tools, and no confidence that a 4 or 5 year old can grasp concepts about God's love for them or that this hour that I am spending with these little people is making an eternal difference in their lives."

Hang on... there's more.....

When service let out (which by the way service was GREAT) My husband went to go pick up the kids while I caught up with a friend for a second. As Justin walked down the hallway he heard Gabe say, "Dad! Wait!" Gabe was sitting on a chair outside the sanctuary by himself...with no grown ups around. He said he was looking for us and he had left the classroom. No one was looking for him. I'm not sure if they even knew he had gone. This made us frustrated with Gabe, (he got a talkin to afterwards) of course, but more so frustrated with the lack of security and organization of the leaders in the children's ministry!! What he had left the building and started walking down the street? What if someone had taken him? What the crap!?!?! We were both pretty hot.

Anyways.... there are good leaders at this church that are taking steps toward positive change in many areas of the church.

All this to say this.... because I'm not posting this to vent or rag on this particular church. I'm saying this to PRAISE THE LORD for our children's ministry at the church we attend. For the leaders who "get" that little people can TOTALLY understand God's love and share it with their family and friends even at such a young age. I have a new appreciation for the partnership with our children's ministry and a new found understanding for its importance in the early development of my kids understanding and desire to be a part of the "church" as an institution. I know when I leave him there he is surrounded by people who are praying for him, who are teaching him and reinforcing basic concepts about things like God made the world. God made me. God loves me. God wants me to tell others about Him. He is memorizing Scripture. He is starting a love relationship with his Saviour.

I am sincerely praying for children's ministries everywhere now. It is such an important place to serve, if not THE most important place to serve, if God places it upon your heart. Don't take it lightly. Even at 2, children can understand God's love.

Your A Sweet Girl

On Saturday night we were reading a story. One of Gabe's favorites, "Fred and Ted Go Camping." After we said prayers Gabe just started stroking my face and he said, "You're a sweet girl, Mom." I just giggled. Where does he come up with this stuff??

Sunday Day School Re-Told

Once upon a time there was a little sheep and he got lost. Then the shepherd was trying to find him and then he found him. And when the shepherd found the lost sheep he said, "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" because he missed him. (Luke 15:3-7)

He Can Have My Penny

This morning we went to Chuck E Cheese. My kids LOVE Chuck E Cheese and if given the chance to go to Disney or Chuck E Cheese, it's quite possible they might pick Chuck E Cheese. Anyways.... with my trustee coupons and our play group friends to split with we were able to play for 3 hours and eat all the pizza and drinks we could fathom for $10. Not to mention the pop rocks and dum dums that Gabe picked out with his ticket prizes. He was also quite excited about finding a penny on the floor. Gabe loves money.

When we got in the parking lot a scruffy man came up to me and asked me if I had any money. I didn't have ANYTHING, only my debit card and I told him I was sorry. After we got in the car Gabe said, "Mom, that guy looked hungry. He can have my penny." I almost cried.

We went to McDonalds got some burgers and drove back to give him the bag. He was very gracious and ripped right into them.

Your heart is good Gabe. I pray you continue to love others as much as you do now. You teach me more than I teach you some days.

Sunday Day School Re-Told

This will be a weekly post. These are the Bible stories Gabe is being taught at Surfside Kids on Sunday mornings. We always ask him about what he learned and talk it through with him. The initial re-telling is always hilarious. He always seems to get "the bottom line" though. =)

Jesus Calms The Storm
as retold by Gabe

"Jesus was on a boat with a lot of guys. But it didn't have a motor. So they rowed and they rowed and they rowed. And then there was lighting, and thunder and a LOT of wind and they got REALLY scared. So they went down the stairs and woke up baby Jesus and he said, "Guys, RELAX!!!" and he got a piece of tape and fixed the boat. Then they weren't scared anymore. "

Barack Obama

The setting: Driving home from pre school

Gabe: Mom, I thought you said John McCain was going to be President.

Me: Well, Gabe... that's the great thing about America. Whoever gets more votes gets to be President. It's called democracy.

Gabe: So Oh-rock Obama is our president now?

Me: Yup. BAH-rock Obama is our president.

Gabe: But I liked John McCain.

Me: Why?

Gabe: Because he isn't black.

Me: (in my head) *oh my gosh, we HAVE to get the stank out of this hick-town fast! Why is my son racist? Quick Windy, make more black friends!*

Me: out loud- Why don't you like black people Gabe? Mr. Jim is black, you love Mr. Jim right?

Gabe: Yup. I love Mr. Jim. Can we go to Ms. Laura's for lunch? (Mr. Jim's wife)

Me: Hey Gabe, did you think Mommy and Daddy didn't like Barack Obama because he was black?

Gabe: Ummm.... No??

Me: Because we love black people. We love all people, all colors. And the reason we voted for John McCain was because we agreed with him on more things. But now that Barack is our president we have to love and accept him. And pray for him at night. He's got a tough job. Can you remind Mommy to pray for Barack Obama tonight at bed time?

Gabe: Yup.

He remembered too. He always remembers.

Gabeisms

I love the way a new, fresh 4 year old's brain functions. I love the silly reasoning. This blog is dedicated to journaling the funny, adorable, hilarious and silly things my 4 year old says, because otherwise I will never remember this priceless phase of his life in my tired, weary brain. I hope someday to share this with him ( and possibly future girlfriends too ) as a special gift and peek into his early childhood antics. Enjoy. =)